30th Sunday in Ordinary Time, Luke 18:9-14
I once was told rightly or wrongly that the distance between Heaven and Hell is roughly 12 inches.
I got it immediately, it was the approximate distance between our heads and our hearts. Today’s Gospel has brought that to mind quite sharply.
I’m not sure where you are in today’s Gospel, but I realise there is definitely a conflict within me. My head is on the floor with the tax collector, fully aware of my failings and the work that needs doing. Whereas, my heart, well if I search deeply is not quite as prostrate, and the very fact the Lord in his goodness is shining a light on it means there is probably some work scheduled.
It’s quite a recent thing for me to welcome the “work” to be done, mainly because I am starting to realise that each time of purification, each time an attachment or distorted desire is teased out from my clenched fingers, I experience a new freedom. It’s often been a painful experience, but the result is my heart learns to embrace what my head knows that it should.
The Pharisee today has got the law in hand. He has the head knowledge firmly grasped, but what he has failed to see his need for God, he prays to himself. We need the law, and yes it needs to be followed, but it is merely a merciful pain management system. It is the means to stem the toxic flow of sin until the time we are ready to have that toxin removed completely. We spend much of our spiritual journey stemming the flow of the poison of sin, but it will only, can only be cured completely by the hand of our merciful creator.
I attended a Mass this week, where I looked with dismay as I realised the chalices were not metal but a shabby looking pottery alternative. My heart sank that our Lord’s precious blood was in such unworthy containers. “Oh, it’s not right Lord”, I moaned in my prayer, when in that moment He illuminated my heart to see the imperfect vessel His precious blood was destined for. Urghhhh.
He leaves me for some time looking at where the light is this time shining, knowing my frustration at my inability to rid the flaws will give me the grace to slowly release the grip of this next barrier to freedom and total abandonment.
So, if you are beating your chest today, frustrated and asking for His mercy, take heart. He sees you and He hears you, He is shining a light on the very thing He wants to free you from, and know that He is the only one that can do it. Until that time keep living with the pain management, the cure will surely follow.
