They left everything and followed Him.
It’s strange that this sounds so over whelming, E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G…. Strange, because I responded to that very call nearly ten years ago, and within a year my home, my job, my family, my income…Everything had been surrendered to respond to Him. Yet, it was so compelling, I couldn’t have resisted if I had wanted to, and nothing in me considered resisting. Scary, overwhelming, but totally beautiful.
Nearly ten years on, it strikes me as odd that the thought of EVERYTHING could be so challenging, I’ve ticked that box right? The material stuff, the home, the job, the money, any of that, yeah Jesus it all belongs to you. I have the grace of detachment that brings immense freedom…. buuut it seems there is more, so we are working on the other things that I grip tightly, looking down saying “Any of that Lord, but this… not sure I trust you with this”.
I drove in the heavy snow last week for two hours, and three times I had no control of the car. I applied the brakes, but kept moving at the same speed into on coming traffic, it was terrifying. I had no choice, but to place my very survival into His hands, no one prays a Hail Mary like me sliding a modus towards snow ploughs. Try it…no don’t just kidding.
I kind of spent the rest of the slow journey home, making a mental inventory of where I still like to be in control, and it’s the tough things… my reputation, urghhh, I still care too much what people think. I still want to be noticed and praised, urghhh, again. My time, I still consider my time my own, that I ‘benevolently’ allow God a little use of. My desire to be right… oh and many other things secretly hidden behind behind a Mass going, Rosary praying and yes, God loving public face.
So, my prayer this week is that I become less and He becomes more, and I’m asking Our Lady to gently prise open my fingers and surrender the doubt, he wishes to fill my nets to overflowing and the grace to give EVERYTHING.
