….and for your penance I’d like you to say a Hail Holy queen for everyone you have offended” I said my act of contrition, heard those reposeful words of forgiveness and went to do my penance. 17 Hail Holy queens later, yes 17! I left the church with a real intention to do better, I wasn’t loving people.
Gah this is a hard one isn’t it, because above all WE want to be the dispensers of justice, feel the hero. I’m good thanks God, leave this one for me. This week I’ve had several conversations with different people all in situations where the earthly response would be to slap back, harder. To deliver just retribution, leaving Mercy in a bag in a dark cupboard, a locked dark cupboard. The same Mercy we want placed centre stage when we are the ones on trial.
But that is not what we are called to. Maybe this is harder than chastity, harder than acts of service or fasting or faithful prayer time. There’s a reason for that, I think. The fruit from loving the hand that strikes you is bountiful.
Firstly we have to start forgiving, right there in the moment, no waiting for an apology or weighing the up wrong or rights. A real gut wrenching choice to love. Wow. That is supernatural. More than merely human, what a gift of an opportunity.
Secondly we resemble Christ most in this moment. His silence at His Trial, His words “ forgive them Father, they do not know what they do” whilst nailed on to a cross, bleeding. This. leaves. me. breathless. with love for the one who’s mercy I rely on daily.
Thirdly we witness to our faith, what other act sets us apart than loving our enemies? We aren’t sat back with our arms crossed sharing popcorn with the Karma clan waiting for some disaster to befall our offender. We aren’t justified in any response other than Love. That love stands out, it gets noticed when you refuse to join the baying crowd. It calls people out on what is dwelling in the darkness of their own hearts, without saying a word.
Fourthly this should open our eyes to the mirror we are face to face with. I could guess that 90% of the time I have myself done similar offending. If not the exact same thing then pretty close to it at some other time. What else could lead me to a deeper contrition and resolve than licking my lips and tasting my own poison.
Fifth oh how we need God for all this, desperately, how beyond all our reserves and natural virtue is this? When we need a saviour, the truth buries in just a little deeper that, it isn’t us. Humility at our inability to do even a small part of this without Him and awe that here is yet another unwarranted gift is, perhaps even more humbling still.
There’s one more gift, perhaps the most beautiful of all. It is to process to that Altar and receive Him knowing you have nothing unresolved between you and your brother, and allow Him to fill you anew with an abundance of grace, and start to heal the wounds of that last battle. We arrive with our hands held open and empty ready to be filled.
I saw the priest I’d confessed to some months later, “17” I said..”17 Hail Holy Queens” He roared with laughter, “ I often set that penance” he said “I’d have meant, say ONE Hail Holy Queen for all the people you have offended”…. and yet still I am nowhere near in credit.
