It sounds very instant doesn’t it, as if Jesus snapped his fingers and they followed. You, you, and you …come, follow me. We don’t hear the inner thoughts of each of those disciples in those moments before they took to their feet.
Amongst much that is unspoken is that this wasn’t a story that started that morning by the Sea of Galilee. We don’t hear how God would have been preparing them for this day their entire lives, it wasn’t a random you’ll do, or since you are here…it was something that every fall, failure, situation and experience would have been preparing them for.
For that moment of “yes, yes Jesus, I’m coming” there was a lifetime of Gods unknown presence preparing their hearts. He doesn’t ask if they know their scripture, he doesn’t test them on the Shema, he doesn’t ask for a run down of their past choices, he doesn’t quiz them on their leanings on orthodoxy or whether they prefer a hands raised with a few lutes type of worship. He doesn’t ask because he knows that this is the moment that everything in their life has been leading to. Everything good or bad, even really bad will now serve the purpose of enabling one simple yes.
Have you heard that call ? Maybe not so clear cut as the one we’ve just read, but always a call that challenges by asking What are you seeking ? and deep down, somewhere in you, you knew it was Him. maybe it’s taken a long journey to be able to articulate it but even An awareness of absence can be a deeper proof of existence,
Maybe the yes is resting still, just on the tip of your tongue waiting for the assurance that it is You he is calling. And that it is Him that’s doing the calling, That there’s no mistake. That it’s not just some wishful thinking. The result of an overactive imagination.
To know He’s calling, isn’t about knowing where to. It is about knowing every cell in your body Thirsts for it, whatever “it” is. We name it as Jesus, or God or encounter, or Church because we so, need a name for what we leave comfort and worldly rationality behind for, but the utter vastness of what we discover leaves titles, and descriptions bland and wanting.
And so we respond, because to not seems slightly crazier than the truth we are trying to grasp. …..
If it all makes perfect sense perhaps we are missing something of the beauty…perhaps sense is filling the space created in you for awe and wonder with fact and rationality. None of this fits in a box, it won’t even fit into a net which I know is why it’s the first thing that the disciples put down. Perhaps the holes they were mending were a subtle foretelling that something bigger was coming. Something uncontainable.
Did John know that morning that something life changing was going to happen that day? That nothing would ever be the same, was there a gut feeling he chose to ignore because, well there was a job to do…..no time for flights of “What if?”
What about James, did he wonder what the point of it all was, everyday same boat, same chores, same conversations, even the same fish. While they drifted on the lake did his heart ache for an answer to the reason he existed at all. Why here, why fishing, just why?
Did Andrew rise that morning thinking “Is this all there is?” After a thousand mornings before when yes, it appeared that it was. But it never killed a small seed of hope there was something more, planted in secrecy but in its growing stretching his soul uncomfortably.
As Peter cast those nets out again, not knowing it was the last time, was he thinking “maybe this is all I’m made for, then why is it never enough” did He wrestle with that dissatisfaction and continually have to remind himself to be grateful for what didn’t really ever fulfil without knowing why.
And you, what thought keeps invading your unguarded moments?
Is what you have enough? Does the “what if” sidle in when there seems little purpose to the work. What if…. The “what if” …is the ploughed field, prepared, turned and fertile ready just for this seasons sowing.
In this Gospel today we are watching on as Jesus approaches, looks them fully in the eye, and waits for a response.
It may have been many years ago you gave that initial Fiat, or maybe today will be your first. Im thinking for the disciples that maybe this was the first, but it wasn’t the last, that for us too, each day is an opportunity to meet the gaze of Christ and give him your yes. Maybe this morning you said no, maybe every day till now you’ve said no, but please know the chance for another or new “yes” is still being held out to you from those pierced and wonderful hands.
He is asking you to follow, you only have to now allow him to lead.
