One of many biblical women with no name, which I always see as an invitation for us to put our own selves into her frame and see what we can learn about ourselves and about the Lord.
Potiphar’s wife is a predatory woman, and young, handsome Joseph is running her household as a bought and paid for slave by her husband, Potiphar, who we assume is out doing Pharaoh’s bidding. She has a comfortable life. As a captain, her husband has servants or slaves, property, livestock, etc., all of which are being managed by Joseph.
We are told that Potiphar didn’t have to even think about his home. And I wonder if that includes even thinking about his wife. His wife doesn’t have any duties to fulfil; her husband is away much of the day, if not more, and the obvious conclusion is that she is bored; she doesn’t have any purpose to her days. We know this isn’t good for anyone… David fell into trouble when he was loafing on the roof, the servant who buried his talents, etc., but, in her defence, there probably wasn’t much for her to do, and as the saying goes, the devil does indeed make work for idle hands.
I imagine she was very beautiful as a young woman (her supposed name suggests so), and as this surface beauty starts to slip away, she feels she has little else to offer; that the one thing that brought attention and admiration is slipping through her fingers like sand. When the heads gradually stop turning, it’s not uncommon to want to up the game a little, change the rules to make yourself seen in other ways. She persistently asks Joseph to have sex with her, and he persistently says no. I don’t think you can have too much self-esteem to put yourself forward for a daily rejection. I think the desire must have been strong, but perhaps not for the physical act so much as the being seen, noticed, attended to and ultimately loved.
Here’s the thing about desire. We were created with the ability to desire. It’s a God given gift. A gift from a God that knows desire and has His own desire for us. And we, as a reflection and likeness of Him, are capable of that desire too. St Augustine says our desire is “Simply the other half of his desire for us” But this isn’t the ordered holy desire we find here in Potiphar’s house. Like all things beautiful and God-given, there is another side where it gets twisted and warped, and no longer used for the good of the soul.
Our desires tell us something about ourselves. Especially those parts that perhaps we try to keep hidden and private, our desires tell us about places in our souls that feel unfulfilled, places of want. Often, what we desire is not the root of the need; it’s only the surface of what’s missing, what is yet to be understood or accepted. Maybe we desire success because we don’t feel good enough or think it will cure the lack of confidence we really feel. Perhaps we desire wealth because we hope it will take away the uncertainty and the feelings of powerlessness. Or perhaps we desire a person, for security, to feel seen and hope to finally feel that we are lovable. The truth is that wealth, success and even people can’t satiate that desire in us for long; all those famous rock stars, footballers or actors are proof that having it all doesn’t ultimately satisfy. Drug and alcohol addiction are rife because what they thought would be everything has left them even more empty and still wanting.
That desire within us, stems from the root of where we feel most vulnerable, and if you are brave enough to follow it back, it will all come from a need to be loved. Because the one who created us knew that was the thread that would ultimately pull us back to him. The search for perfect love.
Potiphar’s wife doesn’t just lust and desire, though; she also rallies against the shame of being rejected and the shame of her needs. She accuses Joseph of rape, keeping his cloak as some form of proof. She realises that this could quite possibly cost him his life. It’s unfair and nasty, but we know that hurt people hurt people. We are told that Potiphar is madly angry, but we aren’t told with whom. The fact that Joseph gets off a bit lightly with a jail sentence says to me that Potiphar had a better idea of the truth than it might appear, but for the sake of appearances, he does what he must. I wonder what the conversation would have looked like when he questioned her on what happened, how well he knew of his wife’s desperation for attention. I wonder if this wasn’t the first time there had been issues.
The last point that has struck me from this sad tale is that we can’t use people to fill the need that God has created for Himself. No creature can fully satisfy our desires because humanity always carries an imperfect element. When we look to the sources of the wounding (each other) to do the healing, we end up with just deeper wounds. I don’t honestly know if, in this life, the core and deep need we have for God’s perfect love is ever fully satiated. Maybe we are only meant to get glimpses of it, perfect moments of encounter, because fulfilment of it would halt the search and end the journey before we reach the true goal of heaven’s embrace and meeting our desire face to face.
Here’s your small group booklet…
