The steward awkwardly apologised for the delay in the start of Mass yesterday. “Maybe take this time to pray for a priest” he said.
The church was full for the first time in a long while. A new liturgical year bringing people from the safety of their front rooms. So we sat, fairly silently. Some prayed, some looked round, some read.
11.15 and still no priest. I furtively hooked out my phone and texted a deacon, then a deacons wife just to be really sure.
“Anyone around for a service of the word?” I ventured. The Deacons and other clergy were at another Mass some distance away, so that wasn’t going to be an option.
So here we were, a church full of people who had come to worship, staring round mostly bemused, and a few with some irritation, a few quite upset.
I could get up and still read, so at least we received The Word, I thought.
I could get up read The Word and lead us in Spiritual communion before we left, I thought.
The lady in front said “Why don’t we just pray the Rosary?”
All great ideas.
Of which we did none.
In that whole church, out of some 100 people, none of us felt empowered enough to lead some form of worship.
I’ve led retreats, organised Masses, pilgrimages and given many talks, yet I didn’t feel I had the authority to stand up and lead even a rosary in this space that should have been Holy Mass.
I’ve spent the last 24 hours wondering why? Not in a condemning way, but why didn’t one of us feel it was acceptable to do that?
Had I proceeded to read ( It was my week to read, I had prayed and prepared) would I have stopped before the Gospel? Would there have been gasps if I had gone on to read it?
Did I not lead some worship because I am a woman in this church? I have no doubt that this is very relevant. Yet none of the men saw the need and we were invited to go home, it was the women who thought, well what can we do?
I realise a hierarchy is great for setting frameworks, boundaries in which we can rest and feel safe, be guided by. It has brought me this far with the Lord, I can vouch for it’s efficacy. What happens though it seems, is when that structure falls down, even for one Sunday Mass, God isn’t worshipped and his flock sit muted a while, look a little lost and then drift off.
As I reread yesterdays Gospel I wonder how equipped we really are to stand, heads high awaiting Jesus’ return when we struggle to stand up in Church? What are we ready to face if we feel powerless in the place where we come to be empowered.
I’m still playing this out, I usually like to write from a question and finish with a pithy, tidy conclusion. I don’t have one as yet, but would really appreciate your thoughts on empowering us the Laity, and maybe even what role do we have as women besides making a tray bake? Please don’t think I’m suggesting female ordination or anything like that, I love the richness, sensitivity and sacredness of the Male priesthood. It is something so special and of God, I would never want it to change.
But how do we empower those in the pen, empower us? How do we give the confidence and authority to at least one of those 100 people to stand up and lead a little worship in the absence of the appointed Shepherd? What are we in truth ready for?
