Matthew 25:14-30
Each in proportion to his ability…
It was in response to this very Gospel that I write these reflections each week. It’s been a quiet revolution in my spare room while I’ve wrestled with picking up the spade to bury my two talents worth. I’m definitely a two talent kinda gal. My school report for PE said Xanthe makes up for what she lacks in ability with enthusiasm 😂. That kind of set a precedent for my life.
“I think I want to write” I said to God in prayer, “it wants to burst out of me all this stuff I’m starting to understand” and it was. The extra time sat daily with Gods word was becoming so full in me that I was desperate to share it. My journal was safe but not satiating.
Maya Angelou says there is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you,
“Do it then” was what I thought I heard, it wasn’t an epiphany, it wasn’t a great commission, more of a “yeah, why not?” Vibe. That wasn’t quite enough for me to publicly share anything, so I didn’t. A slow process of discerning began. I would come each morning with a new question, each morning ready to pick up that shiny spade and dig a justified hole. I was holding out till I got a no.
All the while the other one sat to the side, his defence prepared, polishing the steel of the spade.
—Why would I want to write and share it? …A “look at me” thing? Pride?
(I pick up the spade)
Or because I’m bursting to share what you’ve put on my heart today? Honestly, I’m not sure so I’ll post anonymously just in case.
(I put the spade down, just for now, The other one holds it ready)
He reminds me……Come and hear, all you who fear God, and I will tell you what he has done for my soul…The words needs flesh.
—But do I even have a gifting for this? Maybe..maybe not…
(My eyes fix upon the spade)
He says ……Don’t light a lamp to put it under a basket…All are called to proclaim truth.
—But it’s all been said before, and better, and clearer, I can’t write like these other people, these are five talenters Lord, what am I adding, why am I bothering?
(I’m about to break soil now, my foot poised on the bridge of the spade, ‘Do it, Dig’ says the other one)
And He says…..but they’ve not heard it from you, I’m not asking you to write like them, I’m asking you to write like you.
(My foot comes off the spade, but stays beside it, the other one shrugs, “who’d want to read that?”)
—Yes! yes who would want to read that? No one,
(I answer for God and snatch back up the spade)
He says…..you mentioned pride earlier. Could you be fearing others opinions?
(I cast the spade down like it’s poison, ouch)
—So we are back to the motivation again, what if it Is for the “likes”?….For approval?
He says…. So search your heart….
So I lean against the spade and search my heart…….Yes Lord, I rely on you for illumination, for inspiration, well all of it. ..I experience your presence when I write, I’m left in awe after. It’s all about you.
He says….. then I think we’re ok.
(I start to put the spade into the shed, we’ve reached a new place)
But wait….
—What about when I don’t though Lord? When I write of loving you hard and faithful but inside, well you know. It isn’t always like that….
(I slump onto the spade)
He says….the desire is there, just speak truth.
Even my flaws tell a story of Him.
—But I don’t know deep theological facts, I’ll be bluffing, I’ll be a fraud !
(I step back from closing the shed door, might need this after all)
He says……always write from your questions, not from the answers.
So I throw the spade into the shed and lean heavy against the door. Moving only when I am ready to leave the spade and pick up a pen.
What does your spade look like? Fear? Doubt? Apathy? Timidity? Comparison? What is digging those deep holes ready for the burial of your gifts?
There are a hundred ‘but’s’, a hundred more reasons to bury that gifting, and perhaps only one to be brave, HIM. Whatever it is that little voice is saying, “hmmm maybe…” to, go on risk it for the kingdom, risk it for Him.
The other one still lurks around my shed door, just reminding me the spade is in there, I can dig a hole for this at. any. time. he reminds me. Mostly I choose not to. I’ll be praying for you to take the deepest breath and do the same, may we all only take up our spades to uncover those talents we may have already buried.
#yesyou #courage #gifting #talent #diggingahole #gospel #scripture #Jesusreflection #offering #reflection #christian #bebrave #33rdSunday #faith #matthew25 #parable
