
I felt my face scrunch up, the face I subconsciously pull when something dubious crosses my path.
“I think you do have favourites, God,” I said “I could name some if you like” I proceeded to list those people who seemed beyond blessed, people who seem to effortlessly succeed at Holiness, ministry, general niceness, life.
The barely hidden dismay in my voice came from a belief my name wasn’t any longer on that list.
During my years in full time ministry it seems there was an unspoken sense of being favoured, singled out maybe, called. A dangerous ground, that I was oblivious I was standing on. Throw in a heap of failure and painful crashing of that ministry and I was left with a bitter feeling of falling out of favour, of moving aside for someone else to bask in the Glory of his blessings. Someone who had prayed harder, sinned less or maybe listened more attentively.
Though I would always sing out a different tune, preach a different truth, I saw success in Ministry as Gods favour and I measured the depth of his love for me by that same yardstick. So busy was I pointing out the “conditional love” trap to others that I stumbled backwards right into it.
It’s seeing His Blessing on what we do that takes our relationship from y’all to intimate, from people to personal. But like all things we need our faith glasses on to see just where the blessings are.
The biggest blessings don’t always come in a pretty box. They don’t always increase Our sense of comfort and security, in fact maybe the REAL blessings never look like that at all.
The very best gifts bring us into a greater freedom and a deeper union with Him. If I love the giver as much as I profess to then I have to trust I’m going to love the gift. Yes, even when the wrapping looks unappealing and the last thing I want to open.
So I started unwrapping the fairly ugly looking gift, the one with no bow or trimmings, the one that looked like an average life, a mediocre occupation, the one that didn’t Begin to compare to the gift I’d had to hand back.
I’m still unwrapping, but each new fold reveals a new gift, bigger than those I’ve put down, many many layers of gifts. Gifts that unbind, gifts that heal, gifts of space and time, gifts of new friendships and clearer views.
I sense that at the centre lies the gift of the giver Himself, waiting to be discovered in new and deeper ways.
Am I favoured and blessed? Yes.
Does God look on me and say this is my child, my beloved? Yes He does. Does He actually have favourites? Yes, He does. What do Gods favourites look like? Well a lot like you actually and it seems a lot like me.