
I’m so sorry if you’ve started reading this in the hope of discovering a map of erogenous zones, keep reading though, perhaps what you’re heart is really aching for is intimacy. Today, in John 15, we are being told to Love one another. This is a theme that any scripture dweller can’t miss, it’s repeated very often in case we haven’t realised that it’s the bedrock of all God asks of us. Love Him and then it will follow you will be better positioned to love others. This is more than simply being pleasant or nice or even polite. To love another costs us something, if it doesn’t then maybe it isn’t really love at all. Mere tolerance is the zero hour contract version of loving well.
Here are ten suggestions that help us to love well. Yes be a better lover. These are personal goals I strive to achieve ( and in which I often fail ) In each small victory however I’m a tinsy step closer to imitating my creator. I hope you find them helpful.
- Take a sabbath – It’s not selfish to take a day of rest, God did, so must we. If we don’t take the time to still ourselves, restore ourselves we have nothing but burnt out to offer to others. For me that manifests as grumpy and tired. A day of restoration fulfilling our own needs means we don’t begrudge time or energy to others. Sabbaths are for rest and for worship. If there’s no time to worship, the source of all strength and grace is being sidelined.
- Actually pray for people – If we actually prayed for every person we said that we would, maybe the world would look a little different. Offer small sacrifices for them, get your beads out, speak to God purposefully in intercession for that person. God always rewards me with a glimpse of how those really intentional prayers are being answered so I KNOW this makes a difference. If like me you find you’ve forgotten then write it down or pray right there on the spot.
- Look for where Jesus is dwelling – we aren’t called to just love people like us, we are called to love difficult people, broken people, rude and offensive people, yes even people who didn’t vote the same, don’t believe in God like us. People transform when they know they are loved. Every part you are finding difficult to love is sometimes a wound in need of healing in them but always and a place in need of light in you. Seek Jesus indwelling. He IS there. It’s finding Him in you that will enable you to see Him in the other.
- Make someone seen- A friend called this week to share a word of prophecy for me. I felt so seen, by her and by God. It matters, Make eye contact with people, put your phone away. Return the message promptly. Check up on the friend you haven’t seen or heard from. These are such simple ways to love well. In these simple acts we speak affirmation and importance over someone. Let your words be a benediction.
- Choose to love others – love is not a feeling but a choice. It is a decision of how to treat people, a choice to not give up on them, to not cut them off when the challenges of the relationship are too demanding. It’s a choice to forgive. Take space if you need to but don’t destroy the bridge….and revert back to no.3.
- Build people up .. That friend who is always telling you how well they are doing. The competitive neighbour, the boasting colleague is feeling insecure. They aren’t feeling seen or valued or loved. It takes a bucket of grace not to knock them off a pedestal, but it’s the very last thing they need. What often comes across as prideful is a cry for affirmation and love. Try a different tack allow them a safe space for vulnerability and I think they will fill it. In doing this we love deeply and defeat the worst of our instincts.
- Embracing differences – Social media is a hot bed of hate these days. The anonymity permits any and every wounded soul to spout venom where ever they see fit. BLM, Pride and many other movements all come about because of a lack of people being loved and respected. Rejection causes division and deep deep wounds. We can vote differently, differ on ideals and morals, look different, think different. You are still worthy of my love and my respect. If I can’t manage this the problem lies with me not with you.
- Leaving ‘what about me? ‘ at the door. It’s a “go to” cry at any perceived injustice. Stamp it out when it surfaces and reframe it as “what about you?” Whenever I’ve grasped enough grace to do this I am always profoundly humbled by the proceeding conversation. It enables openness and sharing, friendships are built and the world is a kinder place. It’s not about discovering how much worse things could be and taking comfort in that, it’s about looking out beyond ourselves to the needs of others.
- Step out first – God doesn’t love us as a reaction. He goes first, always He is the instigator of love. He is the first to take to His knees and wash feet. He seeks out the lost. Don’t wait to be asked, Imitate Christ and reach out. Even at your most intrepid, Christ has still gone before you. People who are lost or hurting are focussed on the pain, that leaves little energy left to seek. You come with His name and in His strength.
- Get to know your own belovedness- When you begin to know the depths to which you are loved by God it changes everything. Especially it changes how you are able to love another. When you are open to receive the free gift our Lord holds out to you it soon becomes a lesson in pouring it back out, it’s an overflowing thing. – learn from the master the art of unconditional, it changes the world.
Probably you have your own revelations on ways to love better. I would love to hear them. This, the greatest commandment deserves our time and attention, and if today it feels too hard remember that we only love because Love itself loved us first.