
The blue and red sports vests laid out meant my 14year old heart sank, Netball. The two tall favourite athletic girls would start picking their teams. At 4ft 10 I was never created for Netball. Always I’d be in the last four or five girls, one who never brought her gym kit, one with a cast and the Asthma sufferers. Each time of choosing I would try to catch the eye of my so called friends as if perhaps they had forgotten I was still there, unchosen, but their desire to win outweighed any loyalty. But that was just Netball, and I’ve gotten over it….honest.
I can relate to those labourers sat waiting to be hired in today’s Gospel.
Perhaps you have been sat waiting and wondering if it will ever be your turn to be chosen, hoping this is the day when Gods gaze and favour will fall on you? One by one people are called off the bench, that meaningful job, marriage, parenthood, mission….and you are sat still on the subs bench waiting, hoping that the next one to be blessed is you.
At what hour in your waiting do you start to doubt that the vineyard owner has a purpose for you? At what hour do you start to squash that desire to be seen and guard your heart a little so the next time others are chosen it doesn’t hurt quite as much as the first time ? When is it time to make your own plans and go home? We’ve come far enough to know that this vineyard owner is the only one who has the answers, so we wait….longingly.
There’s a much kept secret though, those who have been chosen for what you are waiting for, are in fact still longing. Despite being given everything that ache still dwells… we tell it “be quiet, be grateful” after all there are still so many sat waiting for what we have, but all the while in unguarded moments the little inner voice whispers “but I want more”
What if that ache is a gift? What if that feeling of wanting more isn’t something to be suppressed and ignored but explored? What if underneath all that longing is really just a deeper desire for HIM ?
God sees us all, He doesn’t simply ignore those waiting for His command, He is working for our good all the while. When we are waiting on him He is most surely working secretly within and when we are fully occupied in His service we are just temporarily sated, distracted with something beautiful for a day or a season. A joyful reprieve from the ache.
St Augustine says our hearts our restless until they rest in Him. He also says “The life of a good Christian is in fact an exercise of desire, you do not yet see what you long for” I wake each day with a restless heart, it gets me out of bed and too my knees seeking not just His employment but Oh Yes, His mostly just out of reach heart.
So maybe your time on the Subs bench is an invitation to uncover the root of your desires. To embrace a deeper experience of longing, your heart being stretched by the waiting. St Paul hints today that perhaps complete fulfilment is only grasped in those last hours to be taken on into eternity. Until then let’s “seek the Lord while He is still to be found, Call to Him while He is still near” For there is a beauty to be found in the longing.