Waiting…
Strapped down tight, goggles ready
Heart in mouth
We edge closer to the gaping doorway
The wind noise rushes and hits me in the face
I’m surrounded by white noise
And then
I’m out
F
A
L
L
I
N
G
One mile in seconds
Complete oblivion and euphoria
Time stands still
I watch the Earth
The ground rising up to meet me
Around me is serenity
Falling through white clouds that touch your face like angel graces
So much blue – the sky like cool water
Then the ‘chute engages
And you’re jerked up and back with a jolt
That’s when the contractions hit you, you know
No longer are you waiting
That baby is coming and wants to come fast
Your body isn’t your own
Stomach churning like a natural machine
PAIN – everywhere
But purpose so much purpose
‘I WANT TO PUSH’
- Fade in and out –
Now I’m in the desert
Hot sun searing over my head
Beading back up in the reflections from the sand
White soft hills stretch out to the infinity
One step after the other
Fit my feet into the shadow of the guide
I’m lost
Lost in awe and wonder and contemplation
I say prayers that have sat beneath my soul a thousand years
Mother Mary holds my hand
The skies move above me
Yet I stand still
Take it in – Breathe
I’m breathing hard, can’t contain or control the pain
It’s consuming me
I scramble to hold on, to find some way to make it stop or cease or pause
…
PUSH – PUSHING HARD
Screaming in effort
Screaming in frustration and rage and instinct
Bloody knees up to my chest
Feel the stretch and the tear
Baby’s crowning – take a breath
Not. Done. Yet.
I hover 200 feet in the air, held only by a strap and a stranger’s hand
I lean back, cross my arms, think a prayer
NO
I don’t want to drop
I don’t want to go
I’m not ready!
Baby comes when she is ready
Not your choice anymore, sweetheart
Leave those childish games aside
…
Living doll in your arms
Just you and her
You’ve all the time in the World –
Time to grow up together.
