Matthew 14:22-33
As I bent down with the arms full of laundry to pick up the sock I’d dropped another three items fell. It was, I felt symbolic of my life. A level of overwhelm that I fought to sustain, so as to not drop one tiny thing. I stabbed out the words in my head “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” while the bone depth tiredness looked to finally slay me and my plans. Eventually I dropped the lot.
I had bravely swung my legs over the side of the boat and started walking towards the sound of His voice. I’m not sure when it started but I found myself a year in, submerged to the neck and just treading water. Not moving forward, not yet drowning but paddling frantically just to keep my head above pounding and relentless waves.
My prayer became just cries for help, “Just get me through this bit Lord, Don’t let me go,Lord. Please Lord just help me”
What is the sound of the wind for you? What takes your eyes off Christ ?
For me the fear of failing Him and others came as a loud howling matched only by the volume of my cries to Him for help. So loud were they I drowned out His response, my flailing and panicking meant I missed His hands held out to lift me back up to the surface of the sea that threatened to swallow me. I was waiting for Him to deal with the storm not deal with my heart in the midst of it.
I don’t know what the storm whispers to you, perhaps that you should have stayed in the boat, or even better on the shore. That this is all too risky, that you are sure to drown, that you don’t have what it takes, that if you are not in over your head yet it will come, water walking is for those who are, well, Holy, special…
You were created to walk on water though, once you have risen up out of it in baptism you are called to live above the drama of the waves. The storms will definitely come but we are made to walk right through them. Sadly it seems few now have the faith to risk getting wet. How about you?
I did sink briefly, but I also rose back up, back above the waves. That gasp you make before you go under is the air that brings you back to the surface, your God given nature is to rise. So leave the arm bands on the shore you have the very breath of the Holy Spirit filling your lungs. Scan the horizon for Jesus, strain to hear his voice over the storm and start walking towards Him, the embrace is worth it and He will not let you drown.
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